Circle of life?

When will life finally have meaning?
Why am I here?
I’m not looking for a purpose.. I’m looking for something that makes me happy, truly happy …
Where have these expectations come from suddenly? Expecting people to say and do things that would make u happy.
I miss my self sufficiency … I miss being able to laugh through any storm… I miss the smile that was plastered to my face… Not a soul knowing what was behind it…the pretense and illusion becoming my reality.. Coz reality bites.. N boy does it hurt!!

A good introspection spoiled it all… Bringing me back to every hurt n every emotion of the yesteryear.

Why when u r smiling do u wish u could be yourself n let it all out… N why when u let it all out does the pretense seem a better place.

This swing of the life pendulum is such a drag. Why is the other side of me always better looking? When will I truly be happy in the now? How? What am I doing right and what am I doing wrong?

Would leaving everything help? Or would it bring me guilt? Would it spoil my life’s journey or would my life be enhanced?
How does one know without trying… But how does one try without knowing if there’s light or complete darkness on the other side?

Should I let it be? Should I do something about it?

So many questions… Too many… Am I going to live long enough to answer them? Am I gonna be happier with a shorter life maybe?

Who can tell me? Anyone but me? Guess not… And therein lies life’s vicious circle….
On and on till life ends.

I guess I’ll see what tomorrow brings… Putting everything off until later has become my mantra… Does my problem lie there? Do I even have a problem? Am I making up problems?

See… Vicious circle… No end to it even once it ends… But I’ll never know… So cheers to the end… The end of whatever.

TS

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